Description

The Bold New Girls Method is part of the Bold New Girls Academy. This mini-course could be considered the foundation for all the other course. Why? Because learning how to talk to her girls, empathize with girls, understand girls, and jump into their world is essential and the “method” matters.

In this mini-course we will explore:

• Practicing Being Present
• Assuring and validating her
• Really listening
• Empathy and understanding
• Choosing curiosity over criticism
• Connection and reconnection tools
• Checking for clarity and understanding
• Reflecting

In this mini-course, you will:

• Have more meaningful conversations
• Help her express all her feelings
• Better understand her and her world
• Encourage her to think more deeply
• Help her trust herself
• Be able to talk about more tricky or complex topics
• Help her feel seen, heard, valued, and validated
• Encourage her to be her true and authentic self

The Bold New Girls Method

I am asked a lot, “How do you connect with girls?” The only I answer I know to be true is this: I don’t, really but I do know that I am committed to trying – again, and again, and again. Sometimes, I try harder. Other times, I try less. Some days, I can come up with creative ideas and other days I can think way outside of the box. I rely on information and influencers. I trust my gut. I have learned that so often I can ask her how she wants me to connect and what she needs most in this moment. Turns out, girls are often very valuable sources of information.

I have learned the most important part of my method is this: cultivating connection. This means, focusing on the relationship more than anything else – more than the lessons I want to teach her, more than the corrections I want to offer her, and more than the wisdom I want to share with her. None of these matter if she doesn’t feel our relationship is built on trust and safety. Connection is the safe space or circle we can create where girls can show up as their truest and most authentic selves, share their feelings and thoughts and ideas without a hint of judgment or criticism, and unburden their stressors and worries. It is also the space where they can lower their masks and who they sometimes must be to the world – perfect, athletic, smart, and “fine”.

In this relationship of trust and safety where she can be real and raw, she is going to learn to calm down and feel grounded, trust that she can be herself, and then listen to and lean into the help we can offer.

The questions then is this –  how do we create this sacred circle so that she does show up (and maybe even look forward to cone ting) and she does learn that she can feel seen, heard, valued, and validated. Here are some strategies for you to try.

• Practice being present – no phones, no distractions, no stressful thoughts, and no to do’s. Your presence and full attention is your superpower. Tune in to what she is saying, paying attention to her body language, and keep the focus and conversation on her experiences.

• Assure her that she can tell you anything and drop all criticism and judgment. When you say, “tell me anything” believe me she wants to but she won’t if she is met with “I told you so” or “Why would you do that”. As she tells you the details of her day to day and lets you into her world (even if it’s a glimpse), listen, wonder, and validate what she says with words like, “That makes sense to me.”

• Listen with your eyes, body, and brain and listen to all she says and the feelings behind her words (sometimes, what she doesn’t say). Really listen takes effort and energy and is an important part of communication (and connection). Instead of thinking about what you want to say, take the time to really hear what she is telling you. Listen. Be silent.

• Ask questions; curiosity shows you are paying attention and that you care. Ask her to tell you more or to provide some details or examples. Ask her to explain her thought process. Ask her to wonder about her own feelings. Ask for her opinion. And then wait for her to answer.

• Offer her your empathy so she feels you “get” her and so her feelings are validated, “That does sound really frustrating”, “I understand why you’d feel so excited!” Validating or assuring her she makes sense and her feelings are real, helps her to feel understood and helps her to learn to trust herself.

• Check for understanding so you can both gain clarity, “Did I get that right?”, “Am I understanding you correctly?” It’s okay to not understand what she is saying, and it is sometimes hard to keep up with their stories. Yet, you can ask for repetition, further explanation, and even examples so you understand better.

• Offer follow ups, “How did your test go?” or “Did you have that conversation you want to have?” Whatever she expresses and whatever her concerns may be, pay attention and take note so that you can ask her about these later. Details matter so ask her about the details.

• Reflect back what you see so she can better see herself, “You used to be so shy and look at how brave you are being today” or “I am so proud of the effort you are putting in to improve your dancing” or “You are handling yourself so well under this pressure”.

When you practice these connection tools you will likely:

• Have more meaningful conversations
• Help her express all her feelings
• Better understand her and her world
• Encourage her to think more deeply
• Help her trust herself
• Be able to talk about more tricky or complex topics
• Help her feel seen, heard, valued, and validated
• Encourage her to be her true and authentic self

Cultivating connection takes time and practice as well as patience and perseverance.