I hear “I’m fine” a lot throughout my days. If you are a parent of a pre-teen girl, I am sure that you do too! “How are you?” “I’m fine.” “Do you want any help?” “No, I’m fine.” “You seem really upset, let’s talk.” “I said, I’m fine.” It’s hard to be shut out like this and left on the outside of her experiences, helpless and defeated. One thing I’ve learned and what I know for sure about girls is this: “I’m fine” could mean she’s fine but rarely does. “I’m fine” can mean,…
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We Must Help Girls Build Their Self-Esteem Now More Than Ever
Sometimes my father sends me newspaper articles that align with my work as the coach of preteen girls. One morning his message seemed more urgent than usual. It began, “I listened to a radio show yesterday and found out that 90 percent of young girls have ‘little or no self esteem.’ I found that staggering!” I understood why he was so concerned—90 percent does seem “staggering”—but I wasn’t shocked. Most girls I know fluctuate between feeling “alright” about themselves to feeling absolutely terribly. Very few girls exude confidence or have a strongly rooted sense of…
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“Finding Her Way”
Photo cred: @jared_b I remember Maggie when she wore pigtails and hoodies. She was adorable and so kind – not a mean bone in her body. Never a fan of school, but always willing to try. I also remember when Maggie’s mom called me to work with Maggie, who was experiencing an intolerable amount of stress and anxiety, and opting for online learning. Now in high school and a full-fledged teenage, I wondered how she had lost her way. When I sat down with Maggie this week – whose adorability has morphed into sophistication…
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“Do What You Love to Do”
I can’t believe I have known Misha since she was in grade 6. Now, a beautiful, smart, confident, and articulate 22 year-old, she has transformed in amazing ways and she was excited to speak with me about some of the life lessons she has learned so far as well as the advice she’d give growing girls. A recent graduate from Carlton in Ottawa, Misha is now attending BCIT to earn her second degree. She is interested in content creation – this means she loves using her creativity to post on Instagram and she’s saying…
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“How to Help Today’s Perfectionistic Girls Love Themselves”
By Lindsay Sealey *First published in HuffPost Canada on October 26, 2017 Girls today are pushing for perfection in all areas of their lives. Whether their goal is to attain the perfect smile, take the perfect selfie or perform perfectly at soccer, dance, martial arts — or possibly all of the above — girls are striving to excel, yet suffering when they can’t quite seem to reach that elusive destination called “perfect”. The moms whose daughters I work with often express deep concern about their little perfectionists, especially when they, themselves, struggle with perfectionism…
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After School: Conflict and Confusion
Tell me if this sounds familiar: you pick her up from school and greet her with “How was your day?”. You hear her barely whisper “fine” accompanied with a big sigh. You ask her if she wants to talk about it – she says nothing. So you explain she needs to make her bed and then walk the dog. You reach home and as soon as she enters the front door, she yells and screams, and slams her bedroom door. Not 5 minutes later, she comes running to you and in her sweetest little…
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Ready for School
Getting ready for back to school can be fun and exciting for some girls and dreaded by others. There is some great advice out there about how to prepare our girls for their return to school: purchase supplies, set academic goals, start going to bed a little earlier to get back into a routine. All helpful. But I am wondering about all “other stuff” we should consider to better support and equip girls. Here are additional tips and tricks to prepare her as she returns to school. Firstly, help her to know how she…
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12 Tools for Cultivating Connection
We are hardwired for connection – the warmth and genuine care of another provides us with a sense of safety and comfort. It is in connection that our brain can feel calm and release the “feel good” hormones of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. The female brain, unlike the male brain, is more naturally hardwired for social and verbal connection, and finds biological comfort in another’s presence, with language as the glue of connection. We know girls long for connection to feel good and as a stress reliever. Yet, today, more than ever, girls are…
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Stronger Together
There is an African proverb that I love. It says this: If you want to go fast, go alone; If you want to go far, go together. So much of life is easier alone. It is much easier to get places quickly without someone slowing you down. It is so much less painful to not have relationships…after all, no connections, no conflict. HOWEVER, it is with people I believe we get to know ourselves even better and it is with people, we become even stronger. There is so much divisiveness is this world today, I think…
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Growing Girls’ Concerns
A growing girl has a lot going on! Not only is she growing physically and looking older by the minute, but she is also growing socially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. With growing comes inevitable “growing pains” and I think about their pains a lot which seem to be so much more beyond her simply growing up. I am sure that you think a lot about this too! Here are the top concerns I hear about and experience in my work with girls each and every day: Mental health issues: anxiety, depression, eating disorders (anorexia,…
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